My Daughter’s Guide to Gaming With Me

I had a great time on holiday with my family to the Brecon Beacons.  A key part of any extended family-time is the opportunity for me to be ruthlessly mocked by my children.

This holiday was no exception.While we were creating D&D characters I noticed my youngest had created a ‘helpful’ guide to multiplayer gaming with her father.  It appears during the games we’ve played together (Heroes of the Storm, World of Warcraft, Marvel Heroes, Torchlight 2 etc) she’s noticed my natural leadership qualities / histrionic panic-shouting.

To be honest, I’m sure several of the adults I game with can sympathise 😀

What I Say (Allegedly)


  • Heal me!
  • Noooo!
  • Top lane!  No, bottom lane!  No, top lane! (etc)
  • A lot in there!
  • They’re there!  All the monsters are there!
  • Right!  Left!  Right!  Left!  No, the other left!
  • Run, run RUN!  They’re following us!

I think I should break some of these down in my own defense…

Heal Me!

Clearly everything is the healers fault, always and forever.

Exception 1 : Sometimes it’s the tanks fault.

Exception 2 : When I’m playing either of these roles.



Top lane! No, bottom lane!  No, top lane! (etc)

The MOBA shuffle!

A lot in there!

There’s only a few! We can take them!

Watch out they’re there!  All the monsters are there!

Not some of the monsters;  all of the monsters.  That’s how serious the situation is.

Right!  Left!  Right!  Left!  No, the other left!

Ok, sometimes I forget that people can’t mentally translate ordinal directions onto a moving, relative character.  Hurry up and develop 30 years of gaming experience pls thx.

For the avoidance of doubt.

Run, run, run!  They’re following us!

Not actually sure which game this came from.  It’s probably from WoW after a surgical, well-planned stealth attack turned into a blanket carpet-bombing of the entire level.

What They Say


  • What?!
  • It’s on cooldown!
  • *Spamming the button*
  • Help!
  • What’s happening?!
  • What’s going on?!
  • I’m trying!  I’m trying!
  • Help meeeeeee!
  • I’m sorry!

Ok, ok.  Maybe I could be a tad less “enthusiastic”.  But we’re sooooo close to winning…..


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